CO-DEPENDENCY CAN BE DEFINED AS FOLLOWS by Marianna van Dyk

CO-DEPENDENCY CAN BE DEFINED AS FOLLOWS by Marianna van Dyk      

· Co-dependency is a dependency on people, things and behaviour in order to find self-worth, identity and security. It results in an overreaction to things outside yourself and an under reaction to things inside yourself.

· Co-dependency is a loss of the self.

· Co-dependency is a set of behaviours that blocks the development of a relationship with yourself.   

An author on this subject once referred to co-dependency as a human condition, meaning that we all suffer from it to an extent. Some people however develop major problems in this regard.

 Co-dependency often develops in families subjected to emotional pain or where discipline is too harsh and rigid.

 A co-dependent person’s focus is on people and things outside himself and not enough attention is given to the self. This often results in little self knowledge and poor self acceptance. The co-dependant consequently has a very strong need for attention and encouragement from other people, because he fails to give it to himself. Co-dependant people feel empty inside. 

 There is also a strong need to take care of other people while neglecting your own needs. This is often done to compensate for a poor self image and not because the other person needs or require assistance.

 Weak personal boundaries are also a characteristic of co-dependency. This often results in   the co-dependent being taken advantage of and feeling like a victim. Healthy intimacy often lacks because co-dependents don't know themselves well enough and finds it difficult to trust and share. They struggle with feelings of anger, fear and guilt.

 From the above-mentioned it is clear that the co-dependent is searching outside himself for something that is lacking inside himself. Unless this condition is identified and addressed the co-dependent will remain an unhappy and unfulfilled human being. Co-dependency often leads to chemical dependency or other forms of addictive behaviours.

 The following strategies are useful in combating co-dependency:

 · The improvement of self knowledge and getting in touch with who you really are. Feeling your feelings. Learning to like yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin.

·  Improvement of life skills — especially the skills to assert yourself and maintaining appropriate boundaries.

·  Mastering the ability to detach and letting go of past hurts. Learning not to take everything personally and stop trying to control others.

Therapy and/or involvement in an appropriate support group may be necessary in most cases.

 The following are helpful

· Let go and let God

· Live and let live

· Easy does it

· First things first

 A support group for co-dependents meets twice a month at the Aurora Centre. Enquiries: Santie Froneman and Marianna van Dyk.

Tel: 051 — 447 4111.