A Mindful Sobriety - By Annie Peters

In recent decades, mindfulness and meditation have become popular catch-words, described as the newest pathway to healing in everything from professional journals to pop psychology columns in fashion magazines. The concept of present-centered awareness, though a component of most ancient philosophies and religions, seems to be a experiencing a heroic comeback. Why now? Is it as helpful as everyone seems to think it is? And can it help people get and stay sober?

Mindfulness is often considered an umbrella term that encompasses everything from sitting meditation to mindful movement practices such as yoga. A very basic definition of mindfulness is the intentional focus of one’s attention on some aspect of present experience, with an attitude of non-judgment, willingness, and openness.

You can’t really do it “wrong” – as long as you’re bringing your attention back to some “anchor” in the present moment – such as your breathing – you’re doing it just fine.

With modern research methods, we’re finding that people who meditate or regularly practice mindfulness are happier, calmer, and healthier. Mindfulness seems to be so powerful that it is being considered a new “wave” in psychotherapy, similar to the development of behavioral and cognitive-behavioral therapies, and it is being used in treatment centers, therapists’ offices, and hospitals all over the world.

The recent rise in popularity of mindfulness is a necessary response to the advances in technology that give us everything we want, as quickly as we want it – from how fast we can cook a meal, to how fast we can do our work, to how fast we can connect with someone across the world. The more automated our world becomes, the more quickly we can have our impulses gratified, and the more we lose touch with basic human connection – to our inner selves and to those around us. As technology speeds everything up, we need mindfulness to help us slow it back down.

In many ways, mindfulness is essentially the opposite of addiction. People often start using alcohol and drugs as a way to avoid whatever they are experiencing in the present moment, to alter their reality, or to feel differently in their mind, body, or spirit. As an addiction develops, people often continue to use in order to avoid withdrawal symptoms and the feelings of guilt and shame that often result from drug and alcohol use.

So does practicing mindfulness help keep people sober?

So far, the research evidence is telling us that it does. Therapies with mindfulness components such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and Mindfulness-Based Relapse Prevention, are all showing positive results with people with substance use disorders. Mindfulness seems to help people rediscover their values, tolerate emotional distress and painful experiences, recognize and respond to triggers, reduce use of addictive substances, build more fulfilling relationships, and reconnect with their spirituality.

What’s the best way to start practicing mindfulness?

Well, you can start right now, right here, while you’re reading this article. Take a moment to notice yourself as you read this – what’s going through your mind? What emotions are you feeling? What physical sensations are you experiencing in your body? Can you take three mindful breaths – without trying to change them – just noticing them – and return to reading? What is painful in your life right now? What is bringing you joy or peace? If you’re willing to recognize those things and want to try something to help you accept where you are and move toward where you want to be, you might want to explore a mindfulness practice. There are lots of ways to do this. I’m a therapist, so my top suggestion is to find a therapist who uses a mindfulness-based approach. If you want to read more about how mindfulness might be helpful to you, there are plenty of books to explore. Here are a few of my favorites:

• Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn
• The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh
• Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life by Steven Hayes

Mindfulness is a very old, but suddenly new again, approach to wellness that can help people improve their relationships with themselves – their minds and bodies – and with the people in their lives. It can help one realize a sense of purpose and an ability to manage difficult life experiences, and to feel joyful moments more intentionally and fully. Mindfulness is a life-enhancing, stress-reducing, and luckily non-addictive path to expanding your recovery, and it’s all around you if you look for it!

Source:
https://www.recoveryconnection.com/a-mindful-sobriety/

5 Myths of Addiction and Recovery By Thomas G. Kimball

The word “myth” has come to mean a fictitious tale, superstition or fantasy.

 

Myths develop over time as stories passed down from generation to generation in an effort to explain the unexplainable.  For example, Greek mythology is the collection of stories and teachings explaining the origins of the universe and creation.  These narratives are critical in understanding ancient Greek religious and political practices.
Today, we continue to tell stories and create narratives to explain the unexplainable and to answer the unanswerable.  The word “addict” has evolved to mean someone who has a compulsive and harmful need for, and use of, a habit-forming substance.  Addiction is also characterized by physical symptoms of tolerance and withdrawal.

But why do people become addicts?  How can we help them?  Many people erroneously still believe several “myths,” stories, and narratives about individuals and families who face the struggle of addiction.  Over the years, working with individuals and families, I have confronted and questioned the validity of these “myths” to help people move forward to recovery and wellness.  Below are 5 common myths about addiction and those who struggle with it:  

Myth #1:  Addiction is a Choice

No one in their right mind would chose to be an addict.  All you have to do is sit with someone who is suffering and hear their story to understand the chronic nature of what they carry and how difficult it is to find and stay in recovery. The truth is that addiction is a “chronic disease of the brain . . .  reflected in an individual pathologically pursuing reward and/or relief by substance use and other behaviors”.  Remember, addicts actually suffer from a brain disease and are not fully in their right minds.  Instead of being lectured about choice, they need understanding, treatment and long-term recovery support.

Myth #2:  Addicts Are Homeless and Live Under a Bridge

Many people erroneously believe that addicts look a certain way or live a certain lifestyle.  For example, when asked to picture an addict, many still envision someone who is poor, unemployed, male, minority and living or hanging out on the streets.  The truth is that one out of ten people suffer from addiction regardless of socioeconomic status, employment, gender or race.  In fact, if we lined up ten people and asked you to pick the person who struggles with addiction, you would not likely be able to tell which one is an addict and which one isn’t.  None of us can truly say who might be struggling with addiction and who is not.  Judging people based on stereotypical views is discriminatory and highly inaccurate, helping no one.

Myth #3: Addicts Come From Bad Families

After working with hundreds of families with loved ones who struggle with addiction, I realize addiction has no respect for families.  Addicts come from all types of families; bad, mediocre and excellent ones.  We as a society need to stop telling the story that an individual suffering from addiction is the product of poor parenting or an unhealthy family situation.  The truth is we don’t really know what kind of family someone comes from and ought not to assume or place the blame on parents or family members.  Blaming causes unmeasurable harm to the recovery process and is never helpful.

Myth #4: Family Members Can’t Help With Recovery

After family members have worked through their personal fears of loving someone who suffers from addiction, they can be incredibly helpful in the journey of recovery.  Overcoming this fear can be extremely difficult and loved ones often need help and guidance in doing so.  Family members who learn to love and care for themselves first in a healthy way, experience a personal recovery journey. As they examine and adjust relational boundaries, they become powerful in their ability to influence and support their loved ones who still suffer as well as those who are working to maintain recovery.

Myth #5:  There is Only One “Right” Way to Recover

Some people believe there is only one right way to be in recovery.  The truth is that people have been finding recovery and discovering their individual path to wellness in a variety of ways for a long time.   Almost every day there seems to be a new idea or a new pathway identified from 12 step fellowships, faith-based approaches and medication-assisted therapies to yoga, wellness and meditation.  Given how little we actually know about how and why a person stays in recovery over the long term, it is dangerous to believe there is a one-size-fits-all recovery plan.  Remember, what works for one person may not work for another in recovery.

 
As we continue to confront the validity of the “myths” surrounding addiction, we can learn to be less judgmental and more tolerant of individuals and families impacted by the disease.  By telling the “truth” as we currently understand it, the hope is that more people can be supported in finding long-term recovery and wellness in their lives. 



Written by:
Thomas G. Kimball, Ph.D., LMF /  Texas Tech University George C. Miller Family Regents Professor & Director of the Center for Collegiate Recovery Communities

Are You In a Codependent Relationship?

A few things to think about before making your declaration of co-dependence

 

 

Popular definitions of co dependence are so broad that Jesus would be classified as codependent. The meaning (and usefulness) of the co dependence concept is diluted by these broad definitions. Since beginning my study of dysfunctional helping, I have tried to nail down the co-dependence concept.

I prefer to think of codependent relationships as a specific type of dysfunctional helping relationship. Broadly speaking, in dysfunctional helping relationships, one person’s help supports (enables) the other’s underachievement, irresponsibility, immaturity, addiction, procrastination, or poor mental or physical health.

The helper does this by doing such things as rescuing the other from self-imposed predicaments, bearing their negative consequences for them, accommodating their unhealthy or irresponsible behaviors, and taking care of them such that they don’t develop or exhibit competencies normal for those of their age or abilities. Although these unbalanced relationships can go on for some time, they are ultimately unsustainable due their consumption of the helper’s physical, emotional, or financial resources, and because they lead to resentment and relationship strain.

Dysfunctional helping relationships don’t necessarily involve co dependence, but they may. Codependent relationships are close relationships where much of the love and intimacy in the relationship is experienced in the context of one person’s distress and the other’s rescuing or enabling. The helper shows love primarily through the provision of assistance and the other feels loved primarily when they receive assistance. The intense shared experiences of the other’s struggles and disasters and the helper’s rescues deepen the emotional connection and feelings of intimacy.
In the codependent relationship, the helper’s emotional enmeshment leads them to keenly feel the other’s struggles and to feel guilt at the thought of limiting their help or terminating the relationship. This motivates them to reduce the other’s suffering (and their own) by continued helping and makes them quick to back off of any limits they set.

Helpers prone to codependent relationships often find intimacy in relationships where their primary role is that of rescuer, supporter, and confidante. These helpers are often dependent on the other’s poor functioning to satisfy emotional needs such as the need to feel needed, and the need to keep the other close due to fears of abandonment. 

Feeling competent (relative to the other) also boosts the low self-esteem of some helpers.
In the codependent relationship, the other’s dependence on the helper is also profound. The other is bound to the helper because the helper’s lengthy aid has impeded their maturity, life skills, or confidence, or enabled their addiction, or poor mental or physical health, making them dependent on the helper’s assistance. Their poor functioning brings them needed love, care, and concern from the helper, further reducing their motivation to change.

Due to their below average functioning, these others may have few relationships as close as their relationship with the helper. This makes them highly dependent on the helper to satisfy many of the needs met by close relationships (such as the need to matter to someone and the need for care). It is this high degree of mutual, unhealthy dependence on the part of both the helper and the other that makes the relationship “codependent” and resistant to change 

While it’s true that some dysfunctional helping relationships are indeed codependent, and it’s also true that co dependence may arise from some of your personality traits, be cautious in your adoption of the co-dependent moniker. Or at least don’t wave it around like a flag of fate (“I’m codependent and I can’t help myself because that’s just what I do!”). And keep in mind that dysfunctional helping is complex. It’s motivated by a variety of factors and shouldn’t be reduced to simple notions of co dependence

Shawn M. Burn Ph.D. 

Posted Jul 14, 2013 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/presence-mind/201307/are-you-in-codependent-relationship

Goodbye letter to alcohol - by A hangover free life

 

Dear Alcohol

You have been the one constant in my life.  From my earliest memories you were always there, firstly in the life of my parents on a daily basis and once I looked old enough to get served in mine.  You were a factor in the choices that I made and with the friends and partners that I chose.  I have never known a time when you weren’t important to someone close to me or to me.

I always viewed you as a Jekyll and Hyde character, sometimes making those close to me more affectionate and then at other times causing anger and violence. I spent much of my childhood fearful of you and the effect and power that you seemed to have.  Those involved with you seemed to prioritize you over everyone else.  But you were who people I knew chose to help them in times of good and bad and so I learned the same message and the same way of being.

When I joined the dance with you, you appeared benign even helpful.  You gave me confidence, made me bigger, louder and funnier than the person I felt I was.  You were my side-kick in all my adventures whether here at home or overseas.  You helped me forget difficult memories and emotions and smoothed over the rough edges in my life.

I partied with you for almost twenty years never questioning your influence, even though during those times I worked as a nurse on a ward where you had done serious damage to other people and they were dying because of you.  They wanted to choose you over anything and everything else.  But I still didn’t see it.

But then I wanted to have children and people were telling me that you were bad for me and so I scaled back our dalliance, joining you only for short but stupendously large blow outs.  I resented that I couldn’t have you in my life as much as you had been in the past.  We had to separate for two short periods while I cared for my unborn babies but I still stole the odd clandestine night, missing you badly.

Once the children arrived life with you became much more difficult and I had to make choices against you, limiting our time together or the intensity of our time together.  This is when I began to realize that our relationship was problematic and was having a serious impact on my other now important relationships.

I began to bargain with you, set myself limits about how often and how long and I tried to stay away from you.  Plus our time together had changed.  Before it was mostly fun and I enjoyed our time together whereas now this seemed to have gone and had been replaced by something darker.  I was more out of control in our time together and this scared me.  You seemed to have taken the upper hand in the relationship and were more insistent and controlling.

I was also trying to give up other relationships that had served me well up until that point but that I could no longer ignore was damaging.  But that relationship was also linked to my time with you and so when I stopped this relationship with nicotine I knew I had to stay away from you too, at least until I had got over that one and could spend time with you and not miss them.

You grew angry at my withdrawal and would harp incessantly in my ear until I would relent and come back to you but the next day I would hate you and hate myself for giving in.  This pull and push has gone on for 5 years and now I am sick of you, sick of the way you make me feel and think about myself, sick of the stupid things I say and do when with you and I don’t enjoy your company any more.

So I have decided to say good bye.  I have decided to try and live my life without you.  You were furious when I made this decision and upped your rhetoric about how useless I was and how I would never survive a party or a difficult time without you.   But I held steadfast and it has been over three months.

You were right, it was hard and at times still is, but I know I have made the right decision.  I have experienced the joy of living without you and your voice has grown fainter and your power has lessened.  Other people still think you are important and want to spend time with you and that is fine.  This decision is about me and no one else and has been one of the hardest I have ever had to make but I feel stronger and more confident in myself and my life without you.

I have fond memories of you in the beginning but we can’t recreate those early days and I know that we never will.   What was once benign is now very much malignant and I must move on.  It is time to forge a new path without you.

Good-bye.

http://ahangoverfreelife.com/2013/12/31/goodbye-letter-to-alcohol/

NOBODY SAID THAT IT WOULD BE EASY - BUT NOBODY SAID THAT IT WOULD BE THIS HARD

I woke up with these two lines in my head this morning — two lines from a Cheryl Crow song and the only two lines I remember. At first it might stroke you as pessimistic ….  perhaps it is, but in reality it applies to our life then and in the future — SOBRIETY.

But — back to basics — let’s keep things simple. We had 21 days to delve deep and find our true selves again — well, a great part of our true selves in most cases.

SOBRIETY 

To us it means freedom. Freedom from this self-imposed drug prison. We can now enjoy our lives honestly — and we can be proud that we took the first step to recovery. Slowly we are learning again how to love ourselves — our sober selves.

Sobriety means the importance of boundaries, to say what we mean and mean what we say. To make sure we are safe from people and places that in the past only caused us hurt. Sobriety means finding balance, igniting that inner-spark we have neglected for so long — we are ready to live life to the fullest — with our families, with our children, with our TRUE FRIENDS.

We do this while continuously remember, reminding ourselves, to hold on to WHO we are! Being addicted DOES NOT DEFINE US!!! 21 days is not a quick fix. There is a long, wonderful  journey ahead of us and for us to be able to cling to our sobriety step-by-step; day-by-day; even sometimes minute-by-minute.

And why not? We can once again feel On Top OF The world, be healthy, have energy, work on loving and become fully  aware of how we are growing stronger every day. We are regaining confidence and embracing this beautiful, hard thing that is life.

Being human is incredibly hard and not something that can be mastered in one life time (Terry Prachet). Saying this does not mean all is lost — after all, we only have one human life time. We need to hold on to our beliefs, turn to our spirituality, our religion, our God — and forever keep the flame of our hope alive.

We must know that even after the storm is over to readjust our sails and keep our dreams alive — Never Stop Sailing! Sobriety means holding on to the power of our thoughts, steering it continuously to the good — being okay and dealing with the bad and working through it rationally.

We’ll be saving money. Hooha! We will be safe, knowing that we are in control of our behavior — and if all else fail, we know that we have the love and support we need — it is there for us — we need only to ask! 

Sobriety — it is a journey and very possible if we hold on to that which makes us feel alive naturally!

        

 SOBRIETY — CHOOSE IT — BECAUSE YOU DO MATTER

  (A group from Elmari van der Walt — compiled by Yvonne Thiebaut)

MINDFULNESS by Beth Mackay

If you are rushing into the next moment, what happens to the one that you are in? 

Life is so busy and rushed, from the moment you get up until the moment you lay your head down at night. Then even, your mind will most probably be in a million places thinking of everything that has to be done the next day. So let’s pause here for a minute and ask the question again: If you are rushing into the next moment, what happens to the one that you are in?

According to Kobat-Zinn (2003) mindfulness can be defined as the awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally. It’s about knowing what is on your mind. According to James Baraz mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now, without wishing it were different.

Originally an ancient Buddhist meditation technique, in recent years mindfulness has evolved into a range of secular therapies and courses, most of them focusing on being aware of the present moment and simply noticing feelings and thoughts as they come and go. The recent popularity of mindfulness is generally considered to have been initiated by Dr Jon Kabat-Zinn. In 1979, Jon Kabat-Zinn recruited chronically ill patients not responding well to traditional treatments to participate in his newly formed eight-week stress-reduction program, which we now call Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). Since then, substantial research has been done demonstrating how mindfulness-based interventions improve mental and physical health, comparably so to other psychological interventions.

According to Viktor Frankl, “Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom.” 

In other words there is always a moment of choice where we decide how we are going to react to stress and pain on our lives. However for most of us we are unaware of this space as we get caught up in habitual patterns of reacting to life. The MBSR program helps the patient become aware of these habitual reactions and helps them relate to themselves in a new way to interrupt this cycle and create more choices in their lives.

Mindfulness is observing your life as it is happening and accepting the current situation without judgment or struggle. It is about allowing your feelings to exist (instead of trying to suppress them) without letting them drive your actions. It is about noticing your thoughts as they arise without the need to buy into them – as you cannot always believe what you are thinking. I am not my thoughts, as thoughts are not facts. Mindfulness is the shift from the constant ‘doing mode’ to the “being mode” – where you stop trying to fix everything.

Brain imaging techniques are revealing that this ancient practice can profoundly change the way different regions of the brain communicate with each other permanently. It seems through mindfulness practice our more primal responses to stress seem to be superseded by more thoughtful ones. With the amount of research being done on the positive effects of this practice it seems that ten minutes of mindfulness could soon become an accepted, stress-busting part of our daily health regimen, being just as important as going to the gym or brushing our teeth.

Mindfulness gives you time. Time give you choices. Choices, skillfully made, leads to freedom. You don’t have to be swept away by your feelings. You can respond with wisdom and kindness rather than habit and reactivity 

(Bhante Henepola Gunaratana).

Word from the Director's Office

June 2016 was indeed ‘n month of many events!

 It started off with the commemoration of the 50^th year of existence of the Aurora Centre.

 

 During the AGM this event was duly celebrated with an action packed meeting which included a “video” of the past 50 years, the approval of a new constitution, a guest speaker of note (Mrs. Louina Le Roux, National Coordinator of SANCA), long service awards to management board members and staff, cake, candles, and to top it all, attendance of the meeting by a previous director and his wife (Mr. Jurie Wessels and Rosa) and a social worker and her husband (Mrs. Santie Pruis and Andre).

A few days later a fundraising event took place at The Willows where we were given hints on the finer art of painting frames. It was a busy morning with lots of fun, especially the ice breaker during which we were requested to make fools of ourselves! A sincere word of thanks to all our sponsors and participants for supporting this illustrious fundraising event.

Later in the month it was the commemoration of the International Day against Drug Abuse and Illicit Trafficking (26 June) and the SANCA Week: 20 – 25 June focusing on the slogan

 “Kick one habit for a week”

 

 Awareness was raised on the difficulty to kick habits like drinking coffee, eating sugar and the use of social media. The danger of over the counter medication was also emphasised. The social media were buzzing with messages. For more information on the campaign visit  http://auroracentre.blogspot.co.za/

All of the above activities had to be organised by staff that have full programmes, but nevertheless gave their time, skills and dedication to make every event a huge success!

All that remains to be said is:

Thank you!

Leboha!

Dankie!

Gert Kruger